Today Is: What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger Day

“Thank God for giving me many challenges but the eyes to see the blessings.” – unknown

“Today is a good day to welcome the unexpected, celebrate the way its plans unfold.” – M.H. Clark I am Her

Have you ever had days that your heart hurts so bad you're unsure how you're still walking around with a pulse? You feel almost as if everyone can see the crack that's broken your heart into two pieces yet no one cares enough to stop. How can the world move on when I'm so sad:( How can people be laughing when nothing is funny? And then all of a sudden one day it hits you... The world is much more wonderful than it was before and it has so much more beauty now than I ever knew existed... Why? We wonder. Well because before this we were not ready to experience the world as we see it now; however since this incident, that crack that once split our heart open into two terribly broken pieces has now allowed me to see the world with much more open eyes. Eyes that see both beauty and happiness in a much different way. For if it were not for this incident I would not be able to see such moments like this and rejoice. the time, "One day we will see God's good even in this." -- Romans 8:28 even if we're unable to see it now.
Maybe this is God's way of helping move your way into the best you possible. He knows more about us than we can know about yourself; I mean he his our creator. And he knows what we'll need in order to one day understand all of this. Although this may be difficult now, keep the faith that he will take care of you and may you find peace in knowing that you will not have to deal with this pain forever. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. 

I will walk out of this stronger than I ever could have imagined being before! God give me strength to fight the pain help me to know that through this I'll gain!

“I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time.” – Anna Fraud

Today Is: Don't Stop Believing

“Curiosity takes courage.
The most important promises are the ones you make to yourself.
Pay attention.
Appreciate. Listen. Imagine.” – Mary Anne Radmacher

“You are always only one choice away from changing your life.” – Mac Anderson

Ever wondered what you were gonna be when you grew up? An actress, a nurse, a teacher, a mom? I used to dream about being things I never was and believing that one day that’s what I would become. (I’ll make mention that a few of the careers on my dream list are things that I would never dream about today) What happened to those days that we thought like children; believing that anything we put our minds to was achievable no matter what our odds told us. I mean every time I read to my stuffed animals they were so enthralled by my story telling skills they were literally speechless; I figured I was born to be a teacher (or maybe a librarian) You see what I mean, as a child nobody was going to tell me no or get me to believe that I couldn’t grow up to be anything that I wanted to be. I had it all, or so I thought (my dream of becoming a nurse ended shortly after I learned I was terrified of needles and being a nurse meant that you actually had to like doctors) So I realized some years later that not all dreams were realistic or practical; but that was the beauty of being a kid, you believed in your own magic. Today our lives our filled with critics telling us we’ll never be this or we will never achieve that, but that’s not the worst of it, we actually believe them. We allow others to take our dreams and literally smash them with the words cannot, will not, never will! Sometimes the worst critics are ourselves; we talk ourselves out of things all the time, things we know we can do but our inner critic tells us we can’t. It’s time to slam the door on all those non believers and walk head on into a room of your biggest fans; even if at first it’s just the reflection in the mirror. If you don’t believe in yourself who else will?
“Whatever you want in life, other people are going to want it too. Believe in yourself enough to accept the idea you have an equal right to it.” – Diane Sawyer

Today Is: If God Weren't A Bronco Fan... Day

“People may fail many times but they only become failures when they begin to blame someone else.” -- unknown
Have you ever been driving behind one of those people with the bumper stickers that read, “If God weren’t a Bronco fan he wouldn’t have made the sunset orange and blue?” Maybe you even are one of those people. As I drove into work this morning, there was the most impeccable blue and orange sunrise and I immediately thought of that saying. But if God is a Bronco fan, what magical plan is behind him having us play three games that go right down to the wire? Three games that we could have/should have won, but instead of being 3-0 we’re now 1-2. If God were a Bronco fan I think he would have sent an angel down to whisper into Fox’s ear, “Kick the field goal!” or maybe he would have had an angel put a little extra juice behind Orton’s arm so we could have scored on a hail mary (tossing up a prayer)! Maybe God is a Bronco fan but I think he’s cheering for the other team right now:(

“It’s not whether you get knocked down it’s whether you get up.” -- Vince Lombardi

Today Is: Hold My Hand Day

“Fear only has as much power as we give it space.” – Josh Ritter

“… I give myself permission to feel the pain, fear and devastation of all that confronted me, hoping that something miraculous would occur.” – Iyanla Vanzant Peace From Broken Pieces

“Your job at this moment isn’t facing what you fear, but planning to face it.” – Martha Beck ‘O Magazine’

As I walked around the lake this morning my mind raced with thoughts of fear and anxiousness about my surgery on Wednesday. I kept thinking to myself; enjoy this walk while you can because after Wednesday it might be a while before you’re able to partake in such activity. As my brain instinctively fell toward the negative I could feel my heart become heavier with each forward step, I began to get the sinking feeling that I could take no more; I was on the verge of an emotional breakdown, but then something very special happened…

I could feel it as your hand took hold of mine
I clenched my palm shut as your fingers found their way in between just fine
I was not able to find the words that I wanted to pray
As my brain was overwhelmed with the thoughts of my surgery just days away
Unsure of what to expect, afraid of all that is to be
I find myself speechless as you seem to be walking hand-in-hand with me
It feels as if you have a tightened grasp around my hand
I believe this is your way of showing me you’ll lift me up when I don’t have the strength to stand
As a tear forms and slowly makes its way down my cheek
You’ve once again found a way to ensure that I would listen to you as you speak
The song that rings out loudly in my ears
Reaffirms that through no part of this will I be alone; you’ll always be near
Although my head is still clogged with feelings of anxiousness and dread
I am able to find comfort from this song’s message said,
“I will stand by you I will help you through, when you’ve done all you can do, and you can’t cope
I will dry your eyes, I will fight your fire, I will hold you tight, and I won’t let go.” (Rascal Flats, "Stand By You"I lift my chin from off my chest
Ready to confront this challenge, this painful test
As I know you will not allow me to take on more than I am able
And I know that you will overwhelm me with loved ones to keep me stable
As the days ahead draw nearer
Please calm my worried heart; bring peace where there is fear
And if it’s not too much to ask of you
I have one more little thing that I pray you will do
When I reach that point where I feel I just want to give in
Please remind me that this is all a part of your specially designed plan
Embrace me in your loving arms; help me feel you day after day
And at my weakest moments please remind me that everything will be one day be okay

God seems to always know just when to intervene and make his presence known, and today was no different. At my weakest moment he spoke to me. Tonight’s church service was about worry and trusting God in the times that you are scared. As the band sang out Bob Marley’s “Don’t Worry” I found myself swaying to the music and signing along as if I hadn’t a care in the world. I could picture myself on the beach, drinking an ice cold corona and soaking in the rays, jamming to “Don’t worry, about a thing, cause everything little thing is gonna be alright.” I once read a quote that said, “If you can’t change it why worry!” What good does worrying do anyone I wonder? Worrying has never cured cancer, never made a heartbeat, never stopped a car crash, and never stopped a loved one from cheating. Worry doesn’t make anything better; in fact, worrying often times tends to make things worse. So tonight I’m going to push my worries aside and pull from my faith, trusting that “every little thing is gonna be alright.”

“Fear grows out of the things we think; it lives in our minds. Compassion grows out of the things we are, and lives in our hearts.” -- unknown

“Every situation, if you think about it, is an invitation for you to react in a certain way, but being mindful gives you the chance to decide how to RSVP.” – Catherine Price

“Thank God for giving me many challenges but the eyes to see the blessings.” -- unknown

Today Is: I Believe Day

“I believe that you can get everything in life you want if you will just help enough people to get what they want.” – Zig Ziglar

“Everything starts as somebody’s daydream.” – Larry Niven

Write something beginning with the words, “I believe.” Those were the instructions that I received from a dear friend as we continuously challenge one another with writing prompts; aspiring to one day be writers! So here are a few things that…

“I believe..."

I believe in the beauty of my dreams and I believe that my dreams are to not only be sought after but surpassed. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and one day we will see God’s good in all of this. I believe that we were not meant to live this world alone which is why we are a part of this world together. I believe that we must look out for one another as we would our brother or sister or we will forever be at war as enemies. I believe that everyone is beautiful; we just need to open our hearts and minds to the revel in the beauty of our differences. I believe that we are all something special. I believe that books and movies are better than television, beer is better than wine, carbs are better than carrots and that espresso is better than coffee. I believe that we all have something unique to offer this world and that we need to take the time to not only listen to our hearts for understanding but to follow the way our souls may lead us. I believe that laughter is the best medicine, no matter the time or the mood or the place, a good laugh is great for the body, the mind and the spirit. I believe that the only thing to hold on to tightly is faith, for it’s the only thing that will never slip through your fingers, as it’s wrapped around your soul. I believe in love, the pure honest, grow old together kind of love but I believe that it’s not easy to find. I believe that Bright and bold is more my personality than pastel and shy. I believe that romantic comedies are the best genre of movies. I believe that love is the only cure for hate. I believe that writing, the old fashioned way, with pen and paper is better than typing on a keyboard. I believe that technology has robbed me of some of some great times with great people. I believe that technology has allowed for things I never would have thought imaginable. I believe that everyone will always have an opinion and I believe that everyone should always have an opinion, but I also believe that just because you have an opinion doesn’t mean that I always want to hear it. I believe that education is the pathway to the future. I believe that everyone is equal no matter where they live, their culture, their race, their religion, their political viewpoint, their gender or their sexual preference. I believe that I have learned the best lessons from my toughest times. I believe that the more I listen the more I learn. I believe the more I get the more I give. I believe that music is a free form of speech. I believe in telling people how we feel and learning and loving what people have to say about us. I believe that I gain great joy from the sun, the beach, and a summer afternoon rainstorms. I believe that the best time of year is the fall, and the most magical moments occur when you least expect them. I believe in always carrying around a paper and a pen because you never know when precious words will be spoken. I believe that any moment of any day can spark my imagination. I believe in hope. I believe that I will be a published author and successful writer. I believe that we all have the capability to change the world; we just need to be willing to change ourselves first. I believe that Oprah is the most inspirational and selfless giving person that I have never met. I believe that my dad is a hero for his line of duty allows no cowards, but he is also my hero because he is not just a father, but a friend, a mentor and an inspiration. I believe that my mom is also a hero. She taught me the gift of giving just to give. She also taught me family is important and that I am and will always be her little girl. I believe that quotes are a powerful tool to inspire. I believe that writing is the purest form of truth. I believe in journals, and diaries and scrapbooks. I believe that Shannon Sharpe is the greatest tight end to ever play the game and the most entertaining. I also believe he looks nice in extra tight suits. I believe in life-long friends, and life changing strangers. I believe in life after death and I believe that death will bring a greater life. I believe that you create your own happiness and I believe that it’s more work to be angry than it is to be at ease. I believe that you bring your own sunshine so even on cloudy days the world is a little brighter. I believe that I was meant to do something great in this world, even if I have to give up everything in order to gain everything. I believe that I will be taken care of. I believe in forgiveness and admitting when you’re wrong. I believe that oatmeal cookies are the best of all the cookies and I believe that dark chocolate is better than all other kinds of chocolate. I believe that breakfast is the beast meal. I believe that bacon is better than sausage, French toast is better than pancakes and Belgian waffles are the best of them all. I believe that a little kindness goes a long way and if we would just pay attention to the needs of one another this world would be a happier place to live. I believe in us and we, not I and me. I believe in things I cannot see, touch nor explain. I believe in believing.

“Belief has carried many people farther than talent.” – Jill Badonsky The Awe-Manac A Daily Dose of Wonder

“Believe in miracles.” – unknown

Today Is: Caught My Eye Day

“Just when we think we’ve figured things out, the universe throws us a curve ball. So we have to improvise. We find happiness in the unexpected places, we find our way back to the things that matter the most. The universe is funny that way, sometimes it just has a way of making sure we wind up exactly where we belong.” – Greys Anatomy

Today concluded my final day in Austin and although I’ve more than enjoyed my stay here in the city of live music, I am happy to be on the plane heading home as I’m ready to get back to my place of comfort and casualness. Since today was my last day here I wanted to take full advantage of any free time I had before I had to head over to the airport. So in this spirit I made one final stop at a “must see” part of Austin. As I was driving in to downtown (a part I had yet to explore) I soaked in my surroundings; the modern architectural buildings, the busyness of the streets and the beautiful river and park that lay to the north of it all. I parked my car and strolled over to a shop that caught my eye as I passed by. “The Paper Place” was where I found myself which was the perfect place for me. This little shop was overwhelmed with monstrous amounts of paper, and I’m not talking just any kind of paper; no, I’m talking about the too nice to be paper, paper! As I walked through the forested isles of paper I stumbled upon books, knick knacks and a plethora of cards; like I said, the perfect place for me. After careful consideration I had found just the right items, walked up to the counter and the lady rung up my purchases as we discussed the beautiful day. I told her that I was visiting from Colorado and had heard that there was quite an amazing bookstore nearby… “Oh, Book People” she said with enthusiasm. “Sure it’s just right around the corner. Walk to the window with me and I’ll show you.” Sure enough, it was literally just around the corner however when I walked in I was hit with disappointment. (It was a replication of the Tattered Cover Bookstore) As I thought about the recommendation given to me by my newest bartender friend I questioned what it was that he considered this a “must see” attraction; at a loss for the answer I rounded the corner, the exit in clear view but as I made my way to the sliding doors something caught my eye. It was a beautiful necklace in the shape of a small pea pod and nestled deep inside it were two small peas. (I understand this sounds a bit strange; I mean when has anyone ever described peas as beautiful) but there was something about this necklace that I just couldn’t turn away from. A nearby worker must have seen my sudden affixation at the glass case as he came rushing over to ask if I would like to look at anything? “The necklace with the two peas in a pod” I said. He smiled, unlocked the glass door and handed me the small box that the necklace was resting in. “It’s beautiful!” he said. My thoughts exactly and with that he had sold me. There was something about this necklace that had me googly eyed and a little flutter hearted. As I walked out of the store, my recent purchase stowed away in my purse, I made my way back up the street satisfied that I saw Book People and now grateful for my bartender friend’s direction to this “must see”. Just as I was about to get into my car another thing caught my eye… A quote wall. Of course I had to stop and take some pictures however just at this moment I am reminded that my camera battery is dead; how will I be able to capture this sight stopping attraction? I pull out my camera in hopes that it’s got a pinch of juice left to at least capture one photo and sure enough… I think it lasted long enough to get three. As I went to zoom in on one of the images upon the wall, small text in the bottom corner of the camera screen flashed “battery pack needs change” and immediately followed with a black screen. I knew that my photo capabilities were shot for the remainder of the day. Although I was thankful it was the end of my trip I still cursed myself as I made my way back to my rental, wishing I would have prepared and packed my charger but then I had this thought…

In an attempt to see all the attractions and the “must sees” by capturing it all on camera, somehow it takes a piece of your experience away as you are unable to let the things you weren’t expecting, the stuff you were not searching for, to find you in the most sacred place, at a very special time, at the most perfect moment. If you’re too focused on finding the perfect moment, you’re unable to allow other unknown moments to catch your eye and move your soul to dance.

P.S. Just as I was writing my final thoughts the captain came over the speaker system and told us to look out the windows on the left side of the plane (the side I happen to be sitting) and to our amazement there was this breathtaking glowing orange and yellow sunset; yet another thing that just happened to unexpectedly catch my eye.

My newest airplane companion, Kavya, seated next to me in B14 leaned over to capture this picturesque moment, “Would you like me to take one with you?” she kindly asked. I hesitated but said, “Oh what the heck, I’ll post it to my blog.” Thanks Kavya, I hope you’re reading this!

“… just an ounce of the unexpected can have a tremendous effect…” – Bryan Cranston

“Play! Big breakthroughs happen when open to possibility.” – Suzanne Lee

Today Is: Who am I? Day

"Seeing and knowing are vital to tapping into our creative spirit... and they sometimes come from stillness, from aloneness, sometimes from seeing from a vastly different perspective." -- Patti Digh "Creative is a Verb"

“Implement something every day: Stretch your comfort zone.” -- unknown

If you follow my blog you know I’m in Austin but what you probably don’t know is that I’m out here getting my certification to a program called Insights. Insights is built around the model of personality identified by a Swiss psychologist Carl Jung. This program is designed to offer a framework for allowing self understanding and development. After sitting in class these past few days I’ve been given some insight into the types of patters that thread me up and attribute into the person that I am. We were presented with an overview description of who we are and as I read through it I came across this,

“Andrea wants to sample the best that life can offer.”
I read this sentence, underlined it and logged it in my mind; checking the box ‘true.’ I am always seeking to get the best out of life and in an effort to do so I find myself out tonight exploring this great town of Austin. As I have mentioned I received some recommendations as to where I should dine and delight so tonight I found myself at a recommended BBQ place. I was under the impression that Texas has off the charts, best of the best, BBQ, however after tonight’s meal I am left questioning and very skeptical. Anytime your ribs are delivered to your table within two minutes of ordering, it’s a little scary. And can I just say what kind of barbeque place does not douse their ribs in BARBEQUE? What’s up with that?? I’m telling you, I could not get out that place quick enough. You live and you learn I guess. At this point, I’m past eating and the only thing that sounds delightful is curling up in a quaint coffee shop and sitting down to write. So I make my way back to another suggested place called Jo’s café. I park and walk around the corner to my desired destination, however before I get to Jo’s I see a sign that reads, “Boutique Crawl”. Now for those of you that know me, you know I am not your avid shopper. I don’t follow fashion, nor do I enjoy spending hours at the mall, but for some reason (maybe it’s the bad BBQ speaking) I suddenly have the desire to shop. I find myself waltzing into boutique after boutique sampling the champagne and the wine and trying on an array of different clothes and walking out wondering, how am I going to fit all of this in my suitcase? By the time I make it over to Jo’s I am exhausted. All that shopping on little food has worn me out. So here I am, doing exactly what it is that I longed to do all evening, sitting in a corner, huddled with my back resting against the wall, typing feverishly away. As I sit here, I reflect over some of what I have learned in the past few days, and I think about the person that I have begun to become. Over the course of this experience called life I have learned a lot about myself and I am happy with where I am in my journey; however I know that my life has so much more to offer. I long for the days that I love what I do, I am excited about the relationships that I will continue to explore and understand and I look forward to those that I have yet to get to know. I am interested in seeing where my life leads me in the coming years and I know with all my heart that it will be nothing like I had expected. I fear losing those I love and never regaining my full health; yet I know in all of this God has a special plan. As I thought about these things, I was reminded of a book I once read called “The Invitation” by Oriah. If you haven’t read it, and you enjoy reading so called, “Self Help/Motivational” books I would highly recommend it. I am going to share with you “The Invitation”
“It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it’s not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the moon, ‘Yes!’
It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.”

Now I know that this might not speak to you as it does me but I hope if nothing else it leaves you questioning, what does interest me and who do I long to be?

“I tend to laugh too loud, say I love you too much and quote Oprah like she resides in my soul… but that’s me.” –ACB

“I want to kick down the walls and explore this life.” – Drew Barrymore

Today Is: Life's Little Checklist Day

"It is in all of us to defy expectations
To go into to the world and to be brave
and to want, to need, to hunger for adventures
to embrace change and chance and risk
so that we may breathe
and know what it is to be free." -- Mae Chevrette

The first night I stayed in my hotel I went down to the "lobby bar, right in the lobby" and watched the Monday Night Football game. The bartender was very cordial and sat and talked with me for much of the evening as I inquired about all the hot spots around town. He told me about this swanky movie theater where you sit in leather seats, recline and relax, while sipping on wine and indulging in excellent food all while watching your movie. Intrigued I went and checked it out tonight; even though I told myself I would never go to a movie alone again (read previous post; Today Is: What Rules? Day). Just as he described...

As the lights went down and the volume went up I snuggled into my seat ready for the show to begin. In the opening scene it was stated as a mother you never get a full night’s sleep because as you lay in bed you are creating "The List" of to-do's for the day; I would argue that all women have this problem. I know for myself I tend to create this list of "Get To-Do's" often but just as often it seems that I never get around to doing many of the items. I of course get the necessities done like do laundry, go to the store, pay bills etc...But too often I find that the items that are disregarded are the items that should be placed on the "Must get done" list as they are the items that are truly important. After the movie ended I continued thinking about my long-forgotten list of “Get-to-do’s” that still had not gotten done. So below, I share with you in My Life’s Little Checklist and I challenge you to do the same. As I’ve mentioned many times before, life is too short and we never have time to do all that we hoped to get done, so stop waiting and start checking... There is no better time than now!

• Pursue my writing dream of one day becoming a published well-known
author
• Make a positive impact on the world
• Inspire someone
• Change someone’s life for the better
• Fall in love and get married
• Have children
• Start my own business
• Make i have. i give. a success
• Take photos
• Teach acceptance
• Meet Shannon Sharpe
• Buy a house
• Get a dog
• Run a 10k (again)
• Take my dad to the Superbowl or the Pro Bowl (if it’s in Hawaii)
• Go to Africa
• Get baptized (again)
• Have my own library
• Meet Oprah
• Write for a sports column (at least once)
• Visit all 50 states and travel the world
• Learn something new every day
• Witness something magical
• Win a championship as the coach of a team
• Buy my parents a house

P.S. There is no photo for today because I forgot to pack the charger for my camera and I was going to buy a new one so I could ensure that I got some photos but I never got around to checking it off my list.

“The very idea will seem impossible… almost. That ‘almost’ will tickle the edges of your consciousness, tempting you to believe that somehow, someway, your dream may fall just inside the realm of probability.” – Martha Beck

“If I were to wish for anything, I should not wish for wealth and power, but for the passionate sense of the potential, for the eye which every young and ardent, sees the possible. What wine is so sparkling, so fragrant, so intoxicating, as possibility?” – Soren Kierkegaard

Today Is: "Only in Texas" Day

"The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." – Rilke

"If you work really hard and your kind, amazing things will happen." -- Conan O'Brian

"Only in Texas!" I hear the man nearby casually say to his companion. It's a phrase I've heard thrown around a couple times before but this is the first time that I've got to experience what is meant by that first hand. There are some things down here that catch you by surprise and I'm starting to realize why that term was invented and in my short time here I've experienced something that I can say happened, "Only in Texas". Tonight I found myself holed up in a corner sitting candlelight at the Roaring Fork in Austin and instead of inviting the nice gentlemen next to me to engage in conversation, I have found myself nose deep in the pages of my journal (hmmm... is this why I'm still single?) I'm writing frantically; my mind seems to be moving much faster than my hand as my thoughts begin to spill out of my head like alphabet soup; each word seems to fall perfectly into it's sacredly delicious place.
This is one of those moments; do you know the kind of moments that I am talking about? The type of moments that come barreling in unannounced taking you completely by surprise. These type of moments literally take your breath away even if only for a brief second so you can truly begin to understand the significance of such a piece of time. At these moments you have these feelings, this special feeling; a feeling that your life is not going to be what you knew it was yesterday nor what you are expecting of tomorrow. I guess that is what such moments in life are all about... the magic.
I must be honest, I was unable to describe fully what these moments are like, for this is unfamiliar territory for me and I'm still learning to grasp the concept of what is that I am experiencing. It's something unknown, unexplored, and yet unbelievable. But this I know for sure; it is unlike any other feelings that I've been blessed to experience and feel like it is the beginning of something I will not be fully able to grasp until many moments later. It is a glimpse of what is to come and I get the feeling that this is the beginning of greatness.
As I sit here and sip my glass of wine, I embrace the moment for what it is and all its unknown possibilities. It's as if there is this magical sensation that I can feel as it tickles my insides, it creates that flutter of butterflies like you feel after experiencing something scary yet exhilarating. This is one of those moments that I'll look back on later in life and I'll have to tell myself, 'I told you so!'I guess that is why special moments are considered special; they make you feel like if it wasn't for this moment your life would be different, you would be different.
I've made my way to a nearby coffee shop (as this seems to be where I am most home and feel most alive to create) I sit here and I welcome the sights and sounds of my surroundings and I drink in the delicious aromas from the latte that steams before me. Just as I am about to indulge in my favorite after dinner delight I am greeted with this thought...

You are who you are for a reason. Embrace the moment and run with the purpose that has been dropped upon your lap. Don't ever look back, don't question why nor ever disbelieve in yourself; just jump and spread your wings knowing that He has designed you to fly.

"Mtu hujua atokao, hajui aendako" -- Swahili Proverb
"One knows where they are coming from, not where they are going."

"The universe is always speaking to us... Sending us little messages, causing coincidences and serendipity's, reminding us to stop, to look around, to believe in something else, something more." -- Nancy Thayer

Today Is: Angry About What? Day

“Learning to use anger is no easy task. Yet the alternative—letting anger use us—makes us prisoners of our own minds.” — Mark Epstein

"...wow, the beauty is in the cracks." "And once you start looking, you realize the cracks are everywhere." -- Rosie O'Donnell and Oprah Winfrey "O Magazine"

I have to laugh as I'm sitting in the lobby of my hotel in Austin and with each passing second I am becoming more and more irritated. I can feel my teeth clenching tighter as the seconds continue to slowly roll pass. When I arrived today, I checked in and just before the concierge hands me my room keys she stops and claims she is missing pertinent billing information for the pre-paid room. I look at her with my most sympathetic look, bow my head in defiance and make my way into the lobby. Instead of heading upstairs and relaxing in the comforts of my quiet room from the morning travel I'm stuck sitting here, waiting for the sacred fax to be sent over to confirm payment.

The irony to this entire situation comes from a message I received last night while at church. Gil, the pastor, was preaching about getting angry at the wrong times for all the wrong reasons. He said that so often we tend to be more concerned about (fill in the_________) than we are about the injustices in this world. After church ended, me and a couple girlfriends discussed these questions over dinner:

Do you get angry at the wrong times? (getting upset over petty needs)

Do you not get angry at the right times? (getting upset over the injustices in our world)

Without a seconds hesitation I said I could use some work in the getting angry at the wrong times category (I'd like to believe that I have a good grasp on getting angry at the right times, although there is always room for improvement.) I guess God heard me, because I am find myself, yet again, angry at the wrong time. So with that thought, I smile at the bartender, pull out a chair and order a drink. As the cold beer hits my lips I am able to enjoy both the sweet taste of relaxation and I find myself savoring the lesson. And as it turns out, beer is best served ice cold and is most enjoyed with a side of peace rather than drank warm and flat accompanied by an appetizer of anger. You're coming in loud and clear!

"Something within me wanted God to say... But God didn't say that. Instead he wrapped me in his love and washed me in peace." -- Mary Johnson "In Search of Sisterhood"

Today Is: Why? Oh Why? Why? Is the Question Day

"If we are sincere in asking, the eventual answer will give us both a sense of coming home to something we already know as well as a sense of suprise -- not unlike returning from a long journey to find an old friend sitting unexpectantly on the front step, as if she'd known, without ever being told, not only the exact time and date of your arrival but also your need to be welcomed back." -- David Whyte

"Questions that have no right to go away are those that have to do with the person we are about to become." -- David Whyte

Sometimes things happen in life that you cannot explain, often things happen and we're left asking ourselves 'Why?' 'Why them?' 'Why this?' 'Why not?' 'Why me?' 'Why now?' More often than not it may seem that we will never obtain the answer, but maybe the answer to those questions are somewhere we knew we would be able to rediscover them when the time was right. In Sidney Poitier's book, "Life Beyond Measure" he says this,

"For sure some unanswered questions will meet up with answers that fit like a glove; some will not. Some will linger long, have no luck and wither on the vine. Maybe, for some, there are no answers. Maybe some questions are eternal by nature, and we are never meant to find an answer. Or so it sometimes seems. At odd times, it appears at first glance that unanswered questions and unfinished lives share a mutual attraction and an unbearable incompatability. And yet the search goes on-- with explanations as to how and why coming up later on."

There have been times in my life, too many to count, that the only thing left for me to do is ask, "Why?" and I'm beginning to learn that over time the need to know will pass, the questions will end, and I will come into the answer.

"God is trying to do something magical in my heart and in my life right now so I just need to sit back, trust in Him and let Him work to build my mansion from all my broken pieces." -- ACB

Today Is: In the Right Direction Day

“I was peaceful with not having, ‘having had’ was enough.” – Patti Digh “Creative is a Verb”

“Those who cling to the past are quickly left right there – in the past. Those who seize the moment to change are catapulted into a brighter future.” – Lee J. Colan & Davdi Cotrell “Winners Never Quit”

As I began to write today’s entry I stumbled upon this poem and I thought to myself, I could not have said the words more perfectly, so why try! I share this poem by Linda Ellis with you as I reflect back on the years that I’ve left behind me. Some memories I wish I could remember better, some I wish I could forget, but all of them have made me into who I am today, and for that I am grateful.

“There is an unspoken balance
that time has clearly explained
between what I’ve lost over the years
and what I’ve gained.
Every trait that I surrender
as I slowly ‘lose’ my youth
is replaced with a life’s lesson;
traded for…
a simple truth.
I am the product of my years
that have created what is me.
And every day that I have lived
has made me who I want to be.
Each person who I’ve known and loved
has made me part of who I am today.
Each left me with something in my life;
each helped me find my way.
I’ve heard it said, ‘If I knew then
everything that I know now…’
But we are taught at the proven pace
that time and life will both allow.
These truths I’ve learned
from things I’ve done
And places I have been…
what I’d give to take them back with me
and live my life again.”

May you find joy in all the memories of your life, the good and the bad; the unforgettable and the ones you wish to forget. These memories are what shape you and what make you into the wonderfully unique person that you are; and in that, you are enough!

“Everywhere I turn, new beginnings and big changes abound me. The inevitable truth is that everything changes. We’re not meant to look the same or act the same year in and year out. Growth brings new potential. And I know for sure that when you’re open to receiving them, the possibilities just keep on coming.” – Oprah

“I’m becoming more and more myself with time.
I guess that’s what grace is.
The refinement of your soul through mine.” -- Jewel

Today Is: Serendipity Day

“I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I’m going to learn, I must do it by listening.” – Larry King




“There once was an owl who sat in an oak, the more it heard, the less it spoke… the less it spoke, the more it heard.” – Gentlehawk

As they took their seats next to me in Row 31 I had no idea the impact they were going to make on me. We exchanged hellos but immediately reverted back to what we were doing just moments before. Shortly after we got into the air I noticed she kept glancing down at my notebook and the words that filled the page, “It’s great to see someone actually writing with pen and paper.” she said. I smiled at her with my liver and said, “It’s a dying art isn’t it.”

And from there it began.

Both Becky and her mom (whose name I shamelessly have forgotten) were seated next to me in 31D & 31E and we became instant friends as we all shared in the love of the written word. I showed them one of my notebooks of quotes that I was toting around and Becky said, “Hmmm… what quote could we give her mom?” It was like they knew that I needed a way to always be reminded of them and this treasured travel experience. After some quote contemplation Becky said, “Maybe we’ll just have to make one up.” At this moment I was so grateful that I chose to keep my headphones stored away and allow for the unexpected possibility that a stranger sit beside me and inspire me in ways unknown.

We began chatting and they asked what had brought me out to Michigan, “Business” I replied. This was proceeded with, “What do you do?” I told them and then it spilled out, “It’s not my dream job.” At which Becky then inquired, “What’s your dream job then?” “Writing,” I said without hesitation. They both looked at me with that ‘well what are you waiting for’ look (or so that’s what I think that was) and they said, “We hope to one day write a children’s book together.”

SERENDIPITY: the faculty of making fortunate discoveries by accident

God places people in our lives
At different times and different seasons
Often times we don’t know why
We haven’t had enough time to live into the reason.
Some we recognize immediately as they teach us a valuable lesson
And some it takes a little while longer to understand the hidden blessing.
No matter the setting, the time or the place
Someday may we be grateful for those people who stood inside our living space.

I know that both Becky and her mom were placed alongside me not only on the plane but also alongside me on my journey for a reason I’m not sure I yet understand. But I do know that someday I’ll live into that moment of understanding and when I do, I hope that I am reminded of this quote that Becky’s mother shared with me, “I’ll note you in my book of memory.” – William Shakespeare

Need I say more…

“…where you feel compelled to remember experiences by buying mementos, restrain. Instead, seek to internalize the beauty of the moments you want to remember so they are a part of you, not an add-on to you.” – Patti Digh “Creative is a Verb”

“Memory is a child walking along a seashore. You can tell what small pebble it will pick up and store away among its treasured things.” – Pierce Harris

“I believe now that God shows up in many ways and in different forms. Through different teachings he illuminates our hearts, provides guidance and reveals truth in ways that only we can realize or take in, depending on where we are at in our lives at various times.” – Elizabeth Gilbert

Today Is: Stay Long Enough to Hear the Answer Day

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” – Dale Carnegie

It has been an early morning already. Seated in 31F, I stare blankly out the window mesmerized by the bright sunrise. My plane is to take off here shortly, at 7:40am EST (for those of you still sleeping like me that makes it 5:40am MST) With such an early flight I had to leave my hotel this morning at 4:30am EST (I’ll leave the time change up to you!) Needless to say I’m not wide eyed and bushy tailed just yet. If I had a bumper sticker on my rear right now it would read, “I’d rather be sleeping”. That is until I met the man at the security checkpoint. As I handed him my boarding pass and ID I greeted him with my friendliest “5 in the A.M. hello and asked “How are you?” He smiled and said, “I’m good,” then muttered loudly under his breath, “do you really care?” It’s early and my brain just isn’t up to speed yet but did I just hear him ask me, “Do you care?” I looked at him quizzically trying to piece it all together before I could say anything he handed back my things and said, “You have a good day Ms. Bucci.” I couldn’t just walk away; “Did you just ask if I care?” He grinned from ear to ear, “You caught that did you?” He said with a chuckle. My co-worker chimed in at this moment and said, “You don’t know who you’re talking to; she cares.” I smiled with my liver. We shared a moment right there in the Grand Rapids airport that I’ll be forever grateful for. It got me thinking; how many times do we ask someone how they are doing and not stay around long enough to hear the answer? How many times do we ask for something but rush through our day not allowing time to play its role? What prayers do we pray yet abandon when they do not happen as planned on our schedule? Thanks to my airport friend I learned a valuable lesson today:

When you ask someone a question, stay around long enough to hear the answer
Listen not only with your head but also with your heart
Care
Have patience; do not rush time nor wish it to go faster for someday you’ll wish you had more of it
And as my new friend Becky, sitting in seat 31D, said to me today, “Be present in your time zone.” Profound. Thanks Becky for your reminder and thank you to your mom too! (I hope you both read this)

“How much do we miss by going so fast, I wonder often; how much do we miss by worrying about arriving at the right destination rather than enjoying the view, so quickly passing it by; how much do we miss by not stopping to dip into that life, the one in front of us instead of the one ahead of us, by not recognizing that the destination is really a horizon, not a boundary.” – Patti Digh ‘Creative is a Verb’

Today Is: Tech Me Away Day

“When you look at your relationship to things – and the energy they contain – ask yourself if they promote joy, beauty, and usefulness, or are they burdensome.” – Oprah

As I waited to collect my luggage from baggage claim I was almost trampled by a woman so eager to claim her bags, she scurried past me, bumping one of my crutches causing me to fumble slightly forward. “Sure! Run the girl with the crutches over,” the woman standing to my side chimed. The eager bag lady looked at me with astonishment and said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t notice.” Didn’t notice! I thought to myself, I’m practically walking on all fours here lady (slight exaggeration) how could you not notice? Then I saw it and I thought to myself, how could I NOT have noticed… As she turned back around all her attention once again was devoted to her Blackberry and she immediately went back to whatever was so enthralling her before causing her to not notice me.

After this incident at the airport a few months ago I began to think about the ways that technology has taken over our world. With all of our wonderful technological toys we have the capability to do an array of things at our fingertips. We no longer need to dial a friend’s number to talk, we can just text; we don’t have to go into the office to check e-mail, we can open our inbox from practically anywhere, and there is no need to visit our long lost friends on the other side of the world when we can save money and Skype! Although technology has made this large world a whole lot smaller and in many ways much more efficient and arguably better, I often find myself cursing our technologically advanced culture for reasons like eager bag lady. We become so wrapped up in our own small worlds that we tend to act like we’re the only one’s living in it. One of my favorite teachers used to say, “This is your world, I’m just living in it.” I think I finally understand what he meant by that!

As my bag came spinning around the carousel that day, I squeezed in between the woman who moments before pushed past me. I slung my bag over my shoulder and began to make my way toward the exit. Before walking out I glanced behind me one last time in curiosity, only to see her furiously pecking away on the tiny keyboard and I thought to myself, she was just inches away from knocking me and my unstable self to the ground; I wonder if she would have noticed that. I can’t help but think that technology is taking the human out of everything. If suddenly it was just you in the world, ‘Would you notice?’

“The whole idea of compassion is based on the keen awareness of the interdependence of all these living beings, which are all part of one another, and all involved in one another.” – Thomas Merton

Technology at it's finest!

Today Is: We're Off To See The Wizard... The Wonderful Wizard of OZ Day

"Shucks folks. I'm speechless."

"'Fortitudine Vincimus,' 'by endurance we conquer'" -- Ernest Shackleton

"Lions, Bengals, and Bears, Oh My!"

The newly acclaimed Sports Authority Field at Mile High looked more like the yellow brick road than it did a football field last night. With the Raiders penalized 15 times alone, the referees threw more yellow bricks than either quarterback threw touchdowns which paved the way for a game of frustration and slow play leaving many of the "so-called" Bronco fans wishing they could have joined Dorothy and the gang on their adventure to the Emerald City in hopes of meeting the wizard and asking him for a new quarterback (Tim Tebow)

Although I am not sure that Kyle Orton is going to be the Broncos Ruby Red slippers (3 clicks of the heels and we're in the Superbowl) I don't think that it's time that we take on the role of the Wicked Witch booing him after every mistake the team made. Didn't anyone realize that as the boos got louder the worse Orton began to play and our hopes for victory were suddenly squashed like the Witch of the East. If only we would have played the role of the munchkins; greeting the orange and blue with well wishes, praise and cheer we might have come out on top. Instead we found our hopes melting away as the raindrops began to pour... "I'm melting..." So for those of you Bronco fans eager to meet the Wizard be sure to ask him for a couple other things too...

A Brain...
If we only had a brain
The Broncos might be one and nuffin'
Our competition we could be gruffin'
Our hearts wouldn't be overcome by pain
We would dance and be merry
We would sing and be cheering
If we only had a brain

A Heart...
Just to register some emotion, understand fan loyalty and devotion
And really play the part
We could stay young and chipper
Cheering, 'This one's for the gipper'
If we only had a heart

Courage...
Courage! What makes a boy out of a man?
Courage! What makes the quarterback do it when no one else believes he can?
Courage! What makes him charge his squad into the endzone of the other team as all the rowdy fans watch and scream?
What makes the fans of football beam?
Courage! What makes the ooponents scowl and wonder?
Courage! What makes the the crowd roar, and bring out Thunder?
Courage! What makes the other teams so hot? What puts the trot in the referees bad spot?
What have those fans got that we don't got?
COURAGE!

I've always been proud to call myself a Bronco fan because I think that we are one of the best 12th man fans in the nation but as I watched the game from the comforts of my own home last night I was disappointed by other fan behavior. Seeing so many people turn their backs on Orton and boo the boys of blue, all I can say is...
"Toto, I don't think we're in Denver anymore!"

"Inches make a champion." -- Vince Lombardi

Today Is: Find Stillness in the Chaos Day

"Seeing and knowing are vital to tapping into creative spriit... and they sometimes come from stillness, sometimes from aloneness, sometimes from seeing from a vastly different perspective." -- Patti Digh "Creative is a Verb"

This morning as I sipped my morning cup of jo, I sat and read, hoping to be inspired, gain wisdom and continue on to living fully into my dreams. Chapter after chapter, page after page, I sat there, reading with my mind but not intently with my heart. Sometimes that's what reading is intended for, to be able to lose yourself in something; but not this book. No this book I must have my creative feelers on and my best intuitive and imaginitive sneakers; for this book takes you places only if you're prepared. So as I continued reading I came to this story titled, 'Swing low big arcs' it discussed how so often our nature is to rush through everything (time is money afterall; or so they say). There I was counting how many more pages I had until the next chapter, totally missing the message. Then it hit me, I was doing exactly what the chapter was talking about but doing what they advised against. Just going through the motions just to check it off the list, it was like I was in a race against time. So I stopped. I regrouped with my mind and began to finish the story intentionally with my heart. "Be still. Stop moving. Create opportunities for stillness." It was at this moment that I became inspired, that my creativeness sparked and I felt compelled to write, and use my creativitiy to move me. Never rush past life, for time is all we have left.

"How much do we miss by going so fast, I wonder often; how much do we miss by worrying about arriving at the right destination rather than enjoying the view, so quickly passing by; how much do we miss by not stopping to dip into that life; the one in front of us instead of the one ahead of us, by not recognizing that the destination is really a horizon, not a boundary." -- Patti Digh "Creative is a Verb"

Today Is: Seeking Peace Day

“Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don’t, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it would be easy, they just promised that it would be worth it.” – unknown

I was a sophomore in high school, my sister a senior. As teenage girls we spent our mornings primping and prepping in front of the mirror making sure that everything looked at it's best, this morning was no different until...

"Did you see that?" my sister asked as she came into my room just moments after the first plane struck one of the twin towers. My eyes were glued to the TV and my ears strained for an explanation. I can still remember the newscaster say that they hoped that the plane strike was an accident and then the second tower was hit. At that moment I looked at my sister, hoping she would know the answers, still unsure of what was happening. I began to get the sinking feeling of despair in the pit of my stomach and as I stood staring at my sister, I think we both knew that this was no longer a question of accident. Little did we know that just few short hours later those twowers would come crumbling down killing thousands of people and changing the world forever. September 11th would become known as one of the worst terrorist attacks on the United States and would instantaniously launch us into heightened security, American Patriotism and a burning desire for revenge. Today marks the ten year anniversary of that devastating tragedy. As we remember and honor all those who lost their lives that day I am caught searching for the silver lining. In such times of devastation it is more than difficult to see any good in such tragedy at which I am reminded of one of the most amazing lessons I've ever learned, "One day we will see God's good even in this." --Romans 8 May we seek peace not revenge, love not hatred and someday may we turn to each other and treat them like sister and brother; this is my wish.

"God sometimes lets bad things go on because he wants to give each of us a chance to fulfill the purpose for which he kept us alive... God's purpose for us is to make peace." -- Margaret Alerotek World Vision Magazine
"Blessed are the peacemakers; for they shall be called the children of God." -- Mattehw 5:9

Today Is: Indulge Day

“If your gut tells you to delve into something go for it.” – Lee Cockerell Creating Magic

"I must remind myself that life is not a stranger to me... It is I who make myself a stranger to it." -- Marilyn Maciel "the stranger"

"What are you doing tomorrow?" she asked. "Well..." I stuttered with hesitation. Before I could say another word she said, "I have tickets to the wine and food festival and I was hoping that you would be my date." Knowing that I had things I needed to accomplish I was still a little unsure, however I committed. Today we arrive to pick up our tickets and to our suprise we are handed two VIP bracelets and are instantly treated like two very special people. As the rest of the patrons make their way to the overcrowded tents, we are directed to the tents on the other side of the path.
Suddenly I hear a small voice whisper, "Who do you think you're fooling; you're not VIP!" I am instantly struck with the pang of guilt but just as I'm about to voice the words inside my head I am handed a wine glass nice enough to serve the pope and just as quick as the pang struck it went. I found myself swallowing those words and accepting this moment as a gift.
This was a great reminder to me that there are times in life when you're given such gifts that are meant to make you feel like the very special person that you are; so untie the bow, rip through the wrapping and indulge in those moments. For gifts such as these only happen ORO (on rare occasions)

"If you look, you'll find with some certainty that joy is in the spaces in-between." -- Leigh Standley

Today Is: Life is All About Celebrating Day

“Your age tells me how long you have lasted but not what you have made of the precious time you have been given.” – Oriah “The Invitation”

“I know for sure that only by owning who and what you are, can you step into the fullness of life.
Every year should teach you something valuable, whether you get the lesson is up to you. Every year brings you closer to expressing your whole and healed self. I celebrate that. Honor it. Hold it in reverence. And I’m grateful for every age I’m blessed to become.” – Oprah

I once read a story about a woman who knew she was dying. As she prepared for her final days she told a dear friend after she passed to bury her with a fork in hand. “Why?” her friend questioned. “You must always keep your fork, because the best is yet to come,” she replied. I have never forgotten that story, or the meaning behind those six words “THE BEST IS YET TO COME”. Today I am fortunate enough to celebrate the birth of a dear friend of mine, Ashley! Today Ashley turns 25! Amidst all the hoopla and excitement around this special lady, I am reminded of the most wonderful gift of birthdays; birthdays are not only about celebrating the day of birth but also about celebrating the days of our lives and with each year that passes our lives continue to get better! I not only celebrate Ashley and the wonderful woman that she is, but I also celebrate the many memories that we have shared together and anticipate the celebration of many more, for THE BEST IS YET TO COME!!

“Grow old with me! The best is yet to be.” – Robert Browning

“I will not die an unlived life… I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me… I choose to risk my significance.” – Dawna Markova
“My time here is not unlimited – added urgency to the realization that I had many more unfinished questions to address and much to do before resting… those who stop their questioning—cut short their explorations and end up with permanently unfinished lives. To lose interest in life – to retreat from being totally alive and totally engaged in the worlds within and outside ourselves is a tragic plight in my eyes, yet one easily remedied whenever we muster the willingness to bear up to our thorniest questions.” – Sidney Poitier “Life Beyond Measure”

Today Is: Now My Eyes See Beauty Day

"A blind man was begging on a New York street, with a board written, 'I'm blind, help me.' A guy passing that side saw him. He took the board and wrote something... On that day the blind man got heavy collection... Many people started to give money. Can you guess what he wrote? He wrote, 'Today is a beautiful day, but I can't see it.' The way of expressing can change many things. So express your ideas differently."
-- unknown

"The barns burned down now I can see the moon." -- unknown

I recently got some saddened news that an old friend of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer. This unfortunatley has put me in a little emotional funk as I try to process and come to terms with it all. As I drove into work this morning I had just gotten onto 6th avenue when I saw the sunrise. Just moments before, the sun had risen and was now literally glowing a neon orange color. The way it sat above the Denver skyline was breathtaking. It's rays extended into the sky, looking as if they could shine all the way up to the tips of the heavens. I of course wanted to take a picture so I could capture this beauty as this was without a doubt the most beautiful sunrise that I have ever witnessed. (I also wanted to be able to share with you all, my blog followers) So as I drove I pulled out my camera and blindly tried to snap a few shots. Unfortunately I was unsuccessful; my small camera was not able to do this beautiful sunrise justice so I flipped it off and slipped it back inside my purse hoping that my mind could soak in the image of this beauty forever. As I continued driving it hit me; just when life seems so ugly and messy God goes and paints a picture of his love like this. There it was hanging thousands of feet above the sky upon the greatest canvas. A love letter, literally glowing, painted by our Father, declaring his love for all of us, for all the world to see. It was a moment in time that I hope I am able to remember forever because I knew right then that God was not only declaring his unabiding love but also showing me that when we look at the world through his eyes, all of life is beautiful.

P.S. Since I was unable to capture the sunrise I chose to post pictures today that I took while visiting this mosaic museum in downtown Philly with my sister back in 2009. The items that make up this beautiful artwork you see is a collection of discarded trash turned into something beautiful. What's one person's trash is another person's treasure.

"It's not what you look at that matters it's what you see." -- Henry David Thoreau

Today Is: Trying to Connect the Dots Day

"When the pain is large, when I feel I cannot expand enough to hold it, I send out the simple prayer, 'Help me' and allow myself to relax into being held by something larger than myself." -- Oriah "The Invitation"

I cannot begin to articulate the words of the pain that has taken over in my heart. My heart aches with both sadness and helplessness. For one of the first times in my life that I can remember I'm hurt and angry with God. I cannot even begin to understand why He chose her to go through this. Why now? Why ever? Why cancer? I know that this type of thinking is irrational but it's the only thoughts that I am able to create in my angered state. I also know that I cannot just sit back with these tears of anger and sorrow filling both my eyes and my soul but at this very moment I feel lost. I'm seeking to connect the dots between us. I feel empty. I feel as if I'm at a standstill trying to figure out and connect how I can help and what I can do. All these questions that I am unable to find the answers and the one person, God, with whom I usually turn to and trust in these situations, has bruised my heart. I've always been a firm believer that everything happens for a reason but I'm at a loss right now; I'm still trying to connect the dots as to the reason and purpose for such a horrible thing. I find that it is much easier to find/make meaning for my own adverseries as I am able to have some control in the situation. However, in this situation I'm unclear how I can help in her pain and sufferring... this feeling of WHY???
All that I know how to do at this moment is have faith in what my Father will do to get her through this. I cannot turn my back from Him, point the finger, and just walk away hoping for a miracle to occur. Instead I must choose to seek understanding and clarity in how I can help. I must have faith and remember that God is in control, not me and maybe I don't have a role in this. I know that God connects all the dots for a reason and sometime ago her dots and mine were brought together for a very special reason, but maybe they no longer need each other in that way; maybe they have fulfilled their purpose. Now all I can do is trust and put my encompassing faith in Him, knowing that He will combine those dots with his love and his purpose. I pray that He provides clarity along the way, and I pray that He not only holds her tightly in His arms, but that she feels how close He is to her always.

"I found Jesus
He was behind the sofa.
He said, 'Come near,
get down and stay down.
I'll take care of everything.'
So, I did.
And then, He did." -- Iyanla Vanzant "Peace From Broken Pieces"

"God understands our prayers even when we can't find the words to say them." -- unknown

In a moment of silence I hear this tiny whisper in the back of my mind say, "Every time you think of her; as you think of her often; send her thoughts of love, care, comfort, and compassion." "You must listen to connect"

Seems as if God is already connecting the dots!

"I walked life's path with worry,
Disturbed and quite unblest,
Until I trusted Jesus;
Now faith has given rest." -- Bosch

Today Is: Burnin' Passion Day

“Pitiful is the person who is afraid of taking risks.
Perhaps this person will never be disappointed or disillusioned;
Perhaps she won’t suffer the way people do when they have a dream to follow.
But when the person looks back – and at some point everyone looks back –
She will hear her heart, saying,
‘What have you done with the miracles that God planted in your days?
What have you done with the talents God bestowed on you?’” – Paulo Coelho

This morning as I was driving into work I was fortunate enough to see a beautifully bright and burning red sunrise. I looked over and there it was, a glowing red circle just peeking into the morning sky; I knew then and there that this was going to be a good day; this was a sign. I could feel the burning from the pit of my stomach all the way up into the deepest cavity of my chest (and I’m not describing heartburn). This burning sensation is caused by the desire of my passions. I was overwhelmed by the excitement that had suddenly flooded my entire soul; I wanted to stop the car at that exact moment, pull over and write feverishly what I had been feeling (now thinking about it, I wish I would have done just that). But by no coincidence whatsoever, I found myself confronted with these emotions later in the day as I discussed such matters like dream jobs, hobbies etc… with my mom. As we were driving home from a delicious dinner, she asked me, “Does it ever bother you that I’m not like you? You’re first thought is always thinking about what you can do for others and mine seems to be what I want to do for myself”
I was horrified; I never intend to make anyone feel like less of a person for the choices they make versus the choices that I make, let alone my own mother, however here she was asking me this difficult question. ‘How do you respond?’ I thought to myself. ‘The only way you know how.’ came my reply. “Of course it does not bother me that we are different people and choose to live our lives differently. Something that you must remember is that you are who you are for a reason; there is only one you, and you were created for a very special purpose. Your purpose and my purpose are not one and the same, therefore our choices will differ. Live the life that God created for you and that is to be yourself. You cannot try to be someone that you are not and fulfill your role in this life. As Martin Luther King once said, “If you were meant to be a street sweeper then sweep streets so well that others will say, here lived a great street sweeper…” I went on to tell her that when you partake in an activity for the sake of another person then you are not doing a service to anyone, you must choose to partake in service that is right for you, not right because it’s left by someone else.
Sometimes I think that we tend to get caught up in the spider web of words, entangled in pointless meanings and definitions, never truly able to find our way out to the real truth behind the word. As I told my mom, just because what you are doing does not have the word, “volunteer” or “mission” or “service” either preceding or ensuing it, it does not mean that what you are doing is not worthy, or enough, or making a difference. When you choose to live the life that God created you for you are doing all those things, you’re volunteering your heart and soul to allow others in; you’re fulfilling your mission on this Earth and you are being a service to others as you give them permission to be live the life that they were designed to live. Follow your heart, listen to your soul and never give up on your dreams. You are who you are for a reason and we all must remember that because of that, this world is a wonderfully unique place!

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” – Lao Tzu

“I wondered what gifts we don’t put into the world because we are afraid of the response we might get.” – Patti Digh Life is a Verb

Today Is Also: Love The One's Your With Day

"Life is an empty square unless one fills it up with matter." -- Robin Antar

"There are moments when you absolutely need someone to show up like magic, not because you need something nice, but because you need your world view transformed. You need some hope to be born in you. You need to know in one moment that someone believes in you. You need a kindness midwife to hold the space so you can show up like magic for someone else the next time around." -- Jen Lemen

When I was in high school I can destinctly remember my friends and I complaining about living in the neighborhood that we did and not because we were living in an area that was unsafe or because we didn't have what the rest of the kids in our school had; in reality we had what they had and a lot more. We had, and still have, many families that love us like their own children. Growing up, however, we thought that having many moms was the worst thing that could ever have happened to us. Now that I am older, and of course wiser:) I have to come to realize that having many moms is the best gift that God could have given me. These ladies act like I am one of their own. They look out for me, they inspire me, they encourage me, and they love me in ways that I cannot articulate. Each of them is very special in their own way but all of them have made me into a better woman by being a part of my life. They are home to me. These women have made my life that much better just by being in it and I hope that they all know that although they are not my mom, they are the next best thing!
"...one of the most beautiful things about a home is that it is a place where you can dream about your future, and that a good home protects your dreams; it is a place where you feel sheltered enough to risk yourself in the world." -- David Whyte

Today Is: Walk Don't Run Day

"...every day, live the day, and enjoy the day. Don't be anxious about, 'Is this gonna happen or is that gonna happen?' Walk through your day -- dont' run."
-- Annie Murphy as told to Susan Casey - O Magazine

I can hear still hear their voices and the sounds of the lifeguards whistles when they would scream "Walk please!" as I scurried from one side of the pool grounds to the other in desperation. I didn't want to miss out on anything, and I knew the only way to ensure that I wouldn't was to get there as quick as I possibly could, by running. This seems to be a practice that I still tend to do today; rush past things in my life to ensure that I get everything done and don't miss out on anything. Little did I know then, and something that I am still learning now, the more I move quickly through my day-to-day the more I lose enjoyment in my life. Too often I hurry my way through the day and miss out on life's little enjoyments. Many times I don't take the time to do things that challenge me or are out of my comfort zone becuase I can categorize it as not having enough time for that. When I read the quote by Annie Murphy it hit me that I need to slow down and really enjoy parts of my life that cannot be enjoyed in the fast lane. One of those joys is spending time with friends, no matter the activity that fills up our time. Today, my AHA moment came to me while golfing! 18 holes of pretty bad golf and four hours later, I still found myself smiling with the great joy of spending time with quality friends and sharing in life's little joys like laughter! Lord knows we had a lot of laughs! (as you can see from the pics)

"Today I will live in such a manner that there will be no possible room for regret.
Then I'll do the same tomorrow." -- Steve Maraboli

"...no part of the journey is wasted. Once you recognize within yourself a hunger for something beyond just continuing, once you taste even the possibility of touching the meaning enfolded in your life, you can never be completely content with just going through the motions." -- Oriah "The Invitation"